It don't mean nothin' drive on

Discussions about our lives, families, jobs... things may get a little personal
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rightisright
Posts: 4286
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 9:41 pm

Re: It don't mean nothin' drive on

Post by rightisright »

Not a praying type, HS. But you and your mom are in my thoughts, if that even means anything. Stay strong, brother.
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Highspeed
Posts: 2718
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 9:44 am

Re: It don't mean nothin' drive on

Post by Highspeed »

skb12172 wrote: Be a good son. See your mum out. Then let us help you decide your next move.
I'll be a good son, everything that happened before is just water under the bridge. I can't change it, so it's best forgotten.

I've got a close buddy who is a former Marine. A cynical misanthrope just like me. He lives in Missouri. Probably I'll turn up on his doorstep saying " Where is the nearest biker bar ? where are the pole dancers at ? " :)
All my life I been in the dog house
I guess that just where I belong
That just the way the dice roll
Do my dog house song
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Highspeed
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Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 9:44 am

Re: It don't mean nothin' drive on

Post by Highspeed »

You know, it seems like my life has been a series of wrong decisions from beginning to end.
I still love my ex wife, even though she treated me like a dog for years, and I hate her - does that make sense ?
Every day is a struggle without her. I tried to OD on prescription painkillers about a month ago. I didn't tell anyone, it wasn't like a cry for help.
I just woke up at about 4am wondering where the last few days had gone. I'm really difficult to kill.
There isn't anyone in my corner any longer, no-one has my six.
I suppose I'd just better man the fuck up and stop whining like a little bitch.
All my life I been in the dog house
I guess that just where I belong
That just the way the dice roll
Do my dog house song
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Cybrludite
Posts: 5048
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:13 am

Re: It don't mean nothin' drive on

Post by Cybrludite »

Nonsense. We have your six, and we don't want you to do a Stilletto impersonation. Condolences about your mom.
"If it ain't the Devil's Music, you ain't doin' it right." - Chris Thomas King

"When liberal democracies collapse, someone comes along who promises to make the trains run on time if we load the right people into them." - Tam K.
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Weetabix
Posts: 6106
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 11:04 pm

Re: It don't mean nothin' drive on

Post by Weetabix »

Highspeed wrote:I'm glad we put it all to rest before this happened. The night before the fall I kissed her and told her I loved her. She was a really lousy mother, but not everyone is cut out for raising kids.
Hang on to the good memories and let the bad ones go. Works for me. I'm a much happier person than I have any right to be by doing that. ;)
Highspeed wrote:This is how I feel.
It's like you have a jar on the shelf and it contains your resilience and courage.
I have been dipping into that jar for far too long now and it's empty. It can be filled back up by friends and the love of a good woman ( now there's a joke ), but I am just about done now. The jar is empty.
I'll keep on keeping on, because that's what we do, I am English by the grace of God .
Just remember, much as it sucks now, it will be better at some point. Hang around for that time.

Here's where I start sounding like a jackass, but it's because I care about you. I suck at expressing sympathy without offering suggestions to get rid of the source of the pain. My wife hates that about me, but it IS about the nail.

I don't know how many years you and I have been hanging around these various forums at the same time, but it feels like a long time. Maybe on the internet time is analogous to wind chill - I don't know.

So, here it is. You're a book I would probably judge by its cover. If I walked by you on the street, I'd probably move to the other side because of all those things your mom complained about. Nothing personal - it's just a numbers thing.

But here's the other thing - I feel like I've had a glimpse of the pages in that book. You're a good guy. You have honor. I like you. I'd go out of my way to help you because of who you are.
Highspeed wrote:You know, it seems like my life has been a series of wrong decisions from beginning to end.
Now about that book thing. Lots of people probably judge you based on many of those decisions - tattoos, how you look, how you talk, what you like doing, etc. People are going to continue to judge you based on their impressions of what behaviors they think are associated with those outward markers. You have to be at peace with that judging, because it's a consequence of your past decisions whether you knew it when you made them or not. And if you're honest with yourself, you probably knew it. I'm not saying those decisions were bad or wrong - just that, like ALL decisions, they come with a set of consequences.

But the past decisions are past, and you are what you are. And that's a good guy. So, don't hold people's judgements about you against them. Be who you are, and be at peace with it. I horrify my kids all the time with the non-conventional things I do in life. But you know what? Fuck other people's opinions. I'm happier being what I am than they are bending to their perceptions of society's rules for behavior. I'm not hurting anyone. Let them think whatever they want to think. Their thinks don't cost me anything, and when they do, I've already decided it's a price I'm willing to pay.

And the parts you aren't at peace with, start changing. You are the captain of your soul. Sounds hokey when I read it, but you know what I mean. Take ahold of that bitch and make it yours.

Future decisions? Start thinking about the costs and benefits of decisions objectively. If the benefits outweigh the costs, do it and live with the costs. And remember those costs to help weigh the next decision. If costs outweigh benefits, move on to something else.
I still love my ex wife, even though she treated me like a dog for years, and I hate her - does that make sense ?
It makes sense on some level. I wonder if you don't like yourself enough? Start looking to hang out with people who are good for you. Quit hanging out with the people who are bad for you. It's hard, but it's worth it.
I tried to OD on prescription painkillers about a month ago. I didn't tell anyone, it wasn't like a cry for help.
I just woke up at about 4am wondering where the last few days had gone. I'm really difficult to kill.
Don't ever do that shit again. Seriously. If life sucks that much, pick up and leave the whole set of circumstances that make up your life behind. You've got valuable skills. Get a fresh start (while doing the cost/benefit thing from above first). Or come over here. The guys on this forum are probably more tough love types than hold your hand types, but I bet there are several of us who would help you out.
There isn't anyone in my corner any longer, no-one has my six.
We do. It's just limited what we can do from so far away.
I suppose I'd just better man the fuck up and stop whining like a little bitch.
Do both. Just don't do all the whining to people in person. Whine here while you're manning up. I figure whining is a bit like an enema - it clears some shit out so you can get back to work more comfortably.
I've got a close buddy who is a former Marine. A cynical misanthrope just like me. He lives in Missouri. Probably I'll turn up on his doorstep saying " Where is the nearest biker bar ? where are the pole dancers at ? " :)
If you do that, drop me a line. If you come to Missouri and don't drop me a line, I'll call you a fucking limey prick, but I'll still have your six. ;)
Note to self: start reading sig lines. They're actually quite amusing. :D
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Highspeed
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Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 9:44 am

Re: It don't mean nothin' drive on

Post by Highspeed »

Damn, Weetabix. Thank you for being a friend.

I've got some really good friends, people I can trust, and apart from the way they look you'd welcome them to have tea with your grandma if you knew them like I do.
I just don't like to be 'that guy' who is always asking for help. I used to be the strong one, the bloke who was there for everyone. I have one particular buddy, he's more like a brother to me, and he had a kid who was born disabled and only lived for 9 years. I supported him through all that and when he phones me now the best I can do is say " Yeah, I'm OK " and change the subject.
I can't articulate my feelings, except when I am writing them down, like now.

While I was in Spain I heard another friend of mine had died. He was a strange guy - an ex outlaw biker with a huge intellect. He was an incredible chess player of all things. His wife left him and he never really recovered from that. Drink got a hold on him and I had to make the decision to cut him loose because I'd got enough problems of my own without taking on his as well. I still feel guilty about that. I know that if I don't make some radical changes I'll end up just like him.

My life over the last 10 years has been like an episode of Sons Of Anarchy. Except without the gunplay. I imagine many people daydream that they want that lifestyle, but it's no way to live. You never get a moments peace. If I hear someone shutting a car door outside my house I still jump and go from awake to alert in about a millisecond. I didn't bring it on myself ( unlike most of my lousy decisions ) , it all just happened to me.
All my life I been in the dog house
I guess that just where I belong
That just the way the dice roll
Do my dog house song
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Weetabix
Posts: 6106
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 11:04 pm

Re: It don't mean nothin' drive on

Post by Weetabix »

Highspeed wrote:Damn, Weetabix. Thank you for being a friend.
;)
I've got some really good friends, people I can trust, and apart from the way they look you'd welcome them to have tea with your grandma if you knew them like I do.
I just don't like to be 'that guy' who is always asking for help. I used to be the strong one, the bloke who was there for everyone. I have one particular buddy, he's more like a brother to me, and he had a kid who was born disabled and only lived for 9 years. I supported him through all that and when he phones me now the best I can do is say " Yeah, I'm OK " and change the subject.
Karma works both ways, man. It sounds like you've filled up your good karma jar, and now that your resilience jar is empty, it's time for someone else to fill that up while filling up their own karma jar. You've already given. It's OK to receive some back.
I can't articulate my feelings, except when I am writing them down, like now.
I'm the same way. Sometimes I'll write all of my feelings about something down (lots of it is whining), then try to sort out for myself where I'm right, where I'm just whining, and where to go from there. geek alert: I'll sometimes write it in three voices to help sort it out: Whiny bitch does the whining, Mr. Spock will explain what's illogical, and Weetabix decides what's a justified concern and what to do about it and joins Mr. Spock in mocking Whiny bitch. The whining's easier to shrug off after I've mocked myself for it. (Please don't report me to the authorities. "I'm not insane; my mother had me tested." :D )
While I was in Spain I heard another friend of mine had died. He was a strange guy - an ex outlaw biker with a huge intellect. He was an incredible chess player of all things. His wife left him and he never really recovered from that. Drink got a hold on him and I had to make the decision to cut him loose because I'd got enough problems of my own without taking on his as well. I still feel guilty about that. I know that if I don't make some radical changes I'll end up just like him.
Don't beat yourself up. You do what you can, when you can. If you can only just keep your own head above water, you don't do anyone any good by latching on to someone else and you both go under. You get yourself squared away with help as you can find it. Once you're solid again, you can pay it forward. It's OK to feel bad for him. But it doesn't do you any good to transfer that onto yourself. You can only do what you can do.
My life over the last 10 years has been like an episode of Sons Of Anarchy. Except without the gunplay. I imagine many people daydream that they want that lifestyle, but it's no way to live. You never get a moments peace. If I hear someone shutting a car door outside my house I still jump and go from awake to alert in about a millisecond. I didn't bring it on myself ( unlike most of my lousy decisions ) , it all just happened to me.
I don't know Sons of Anarchy, but I think I get the gist. Keep in mind that luck is the residue of good planning. If bad things just keep happening to you, you need to plan differently so they can't happen to you.
Note to self: start reading sig lines. They're actually quite amusing. :D
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Highspeed
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Re: It don't mean nothin' drive on

Post by Highspeed »

I just got back from the pub. Talked to the landladies daughter, she's 25. She's going out with a bloke twice her age who is a punk rocker.

Why would you want to be a punk rocker at that age ? He looks fucking ridiculous. He's OK though, even though I spend a lot of my time persuading people not to beat him up. He makes peoples knuckles itch, what with all the stupid slogans on his T shirts. He doesn't understand that we support our troops where I come from, and if you haven't had a hard manual job, people don't have much time for you. That's the culture here.

She's just come out of a toxic marriage and she says it'll get better for me. I really fucking hope so.
All my life I been in the dog house
I guess that just where I belong
That just the way the dice roll
Do my dog house song
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randy
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Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:33 pm
Location: EM79VQ

Re: It don't mean nothin' drive on

Post by randy »

Weetabix wrote:Don't ever do that shit again.
+10,000. You can knock that crap off right the f*ck now! What? you going to let the bastards win?

I know that there's not much I can do, and what I can do is being done much better by Weetabix, but I am here if you need me and would be more than happy to clear bandits off your six.

Hang in there brother
...even before I read MHI, my response to seeing a poster for the stars of the latest Twilight movies was "I see 2 targets and a collaborator".
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First Shirt
Posts: 4378
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 11:32 pm

Re: It don't mean nothin' drive on

Post by First Shirt »

randy wrote:
Weetabix wrote:Don't ever do that shit again.
+10,000. You can knock that crap off right the f*ck now! What? you going to let the bastards win?

I know that there's not much I can do, and what I can do is being done much better by Weetabix, but I am here if you need me and would be more than happy to clear bandits off your six.

Hang in there brother
Yeah, what they said! You better belay that ASAP! Like Weet told you, if you need to bend an ear, you're welcome to bend mine.
But there ain't many troubles that a man caint fix, with seven hundred dollars and a thirty ought six."
Lindy Cooper Wisdom
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