Well that sucks(ed as applicable). If your (ex)wife was agreeable, it seems like venue shopping would have been in order. I know two guys who went through divorces recently and while it was a PITA in both cases, neither of them describe anything similar to what you do (one was in MO the other in IL). But of course the devil is in the details.skb12172 wrote:Well, just to clear the air, this is my situation.
I just exited the system after 12 years. The Commonwealth required everything to go through them. We worked out our own deal, but the Judge had to approve it. If the Judge didn't like it, no deal. There was no appeal. Even with our agreement, all payments still had to be processed through their office.
In our meetings, right in front of me, the caseworkers (99% of the time female) told her how badly the law allowed her to screw me and urged her to go for the maximum. She refused, but it was her choice. I had no appeal or recourse. My attorney said I would have more rights and recourse if I were charged with murder.
Every few months I would have to have a face-to-face update meeting, her presence not required, which means I have to take a half day off and stand in line for a couple of hours. The meeting usually lasts 5 minutes or less. The purpose seems to be to make you jump through a hoop.
Spending all that time in line means you talk with others and share stories. There were a couple of women, but that is compared to a couple of hundred men. I found out that I have the best ex-wife in the world. She tried very hard to be fair, despite the Commonwealth trying very hard to convince her to screw me.
At one point, when the economy went to shit in 2007, I got about $800 behind . At that time my caseworker was this little twitchet that was barely out of law school and seemed to be a bona fide man hater . She kept threatening me with jail and was requiring me to jump through a ridiculous amount of red tape and other hoops. When she finally took maternity leave after more than a year, I got a new case worker. She was shocked that I was being required to do the things I had been required to do. She said that level of hoop jumping is usually reserved for the people that are about $30,000 behind .
All the same she required me to do it, she had the power to do so, and there was nothing I could do about it.
In my discussions in online father's rights forums, it appears that my situation and the way my locale does things is more common than not. Now you know where I am coming from with all this. It comes from personal experience, yes, but also a considerable amount of reliable knowledge from the way things work in most places across the nation.
Of course, I am not sure that any of this is all that relevant to the point I was trying to make. If your general point is that family law courts and such are more screwed up than not, then I pretty much agree with you. I just do not think there are too many guys looking at that and saying nope, not getting married. And of course if they were, prenups were made for that.
As Blackeagle said, it sounds like you should vote with your feet.