Rules of the air

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mekender
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Rules of the air

Postby mekender » Sun Aug 21, 2016 4:04 am

For you aviation types:

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous.

4. It’s always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. A ‘great’ landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you’ve landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you’ve made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can’t fly; they’re just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that’s going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It’s always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There’s always something you’ve missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It’s the law. And it’s not subject to repeal.

24.The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
“I no longer need to run as a Presidential Candidate for the Socialist Party. The Democrat Party has adopted our platform.” - Norman Thomas, a six time candidate for president for the Socialist Party, 1944

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mekender
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby mekender » Sun Aug 21, 2016 4:06 am

Also, since there are a few here that are involved in such matters as tempting god by trying to leave his earth on a regular basis, maybe you can help me with something...

I would like to boil down the above list into 10 or so short sentences that could be put on the back of a t-shirt.

Thoughts?
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby Netpackrat » Sun Aug 21, 2016 11:05 am

mekender wrote:24.The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago fuel on the ground.


FIFY.
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby Langenator » Sun Aug 21, 2016 2:35 pm

17. (alternate) Helicopters don't fly. They beat the air into submission.
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby JustinR » Sun Aug 21, 2016 2:56 pm

In honor of Leroy Jeffery Gibbs, I have come up with some rules of my own:

1. Not everyone does as careful of preflight as you.

2. The dispatcher's butt is always safely on the ground.

3. The ultimate goal to understanding aircraft systems is to know when they are doing something the book says shouldn't be possible.

4. "Ops check ok" is maintenance speak for "I don't have time to properly diagnose and fix the problem right now without taking a delay."

5. The mechanic's butt is always safely on the ground.

6. Weather forecasts are educated guesses.

7. Weather radar is for going around weather, not through it.

8. It's ok to tell ATC "unable."

9. The air traffic controller's butt is always safely on the ground.

10. The conservative option will usually keep you out of trouble.
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby Rumpshot » Mon Aug 22, 2016 4:57 am

9.a. Unlike pilots, very few Air Traffic Controllers are the first person to the scene.
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby Cybrludite » Mon Aug 22, 2016 10:32 am

I do enjoy reminding fellow passengers that we're five or six miles up in a glorified winged beer can, moving at about the same speed as a bullet from a .45.
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby Termite » Mon Aug 22, 2016 1:46 pm

Flying is not so much purely dangerous, as it is unforgiving of mistakes, ignorance, and stupidity. And foolish pride.

Misplaced pride can get a pilot hurt, or killed. Just because a pilot has 100's of hours in a 737 does not mean he can just climb in any light GA plane and go fly. ESPECIALLY a taildragger, or a pusher-type light sport experimental.
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mekender
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby mekender » Mon Aug 22, 2016 7:17 pm

Ok so what is a good list of 10 to 12 of the above listed that would go well on a shirt that would appeal to the largest number of people?
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby MarkD » Tue Aug 23, 2016 7:19 pm

Altitude. Airspeed. Ideas. Never run out of all three at the same time.

Aerobatics that are exciting at 10,000 feet are terrifying at 1,000.

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Re: Rules of the air

Postby PawPaw » Tue Aug 23, 2016 7:26 pm

MarkD wrote:Altitude. Airspeed. Ideas. Never run out of all three at the same time.

Aerobatics that are exciting at 10,000 feet are terrifying at 1,000.

Or, as a military pilot once told me. "If you hear me scream Eject, Eject, Eject, and you say "Huh?" He paused for dramatic effect. "You'll be talking to yourself."
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby First Shirt » Tue Aug 23, 2016 7:36 pm

FWIW, my picks for the ten best:

1,3,4,5,7,10,20,21,23,24.

Please bear in mind that this advice is worth just about what you paid for it.
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby Jericho941 » Wed Aug 24, 2016 3:54 am

JustinR wrote:2. The dispatcher's butt is always safely on the ground.
5. The mechanic's butt is always safely on the ground.
9. The air traffic controller's butt is always safely on the ground.

2a, 5a and 9a: Nobody put a gun to your head and made you defy gravity. ;)

But that's probably covered by item 1 on Mekender's list.

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Mike OTDP
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby Mike OTDP » Sat Aug 27, 2016 1:20 am

A good pilot never forgets that the plane, maintainers, ATC, and ground are all trying to kill him.

(flight test law) When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the airplane, it can fly.

(another flight test law) Unmanned aviation offers the chance to have a Class A mishap with all the details recorded in excruciating detail...and without the dignity of getting killed.

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Re: Rules of the air

Postby randy » Sat Aug 27, 2016 1:30 am

Mike OTDP wrote:A good pilot never forgets that the plane, maintainers, ATC, and ground are all trying to kill him.


When I went through Nav School, we were taught that the number one goal of pilots was to kill navigators, so they required considerable watching to ensure they pointed the airplane where and when we told them to.
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby Odahi » Sun Aug 28, 2016 5:05 pm

Corollary to the flight test law: We will not launch until the paperwork weighs more than the spacecraft. (And usually not until at least a year after that, paperwork piles up QUICKLY)

Kapton tape is the duct tape of the spaceflight industry.
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Re: Rules of the air

Postby Odahi » Sun Aug 28, 2016 5:11 pm

First Shirt wrote:FWIW, my picks for the ten best:

1,3,4,5,7,10,20,21,23,24.

Please bear in mind that this advice is worth just about what you paid for it.

I might substitute #19 for 20, but yeah. What he said.
Birds gotta swim, fish gotta fly, assholes gotta ass.

"Common sense" is an oxymoron.


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