Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

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Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby Aesop » Sat Sep 19, 2015 5:35 pm

Dredged up and updated recently, and still not by John Cleese, but still apropos

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from Miffed to Peeved. Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to Irritated or even A Bit Cross. The English have not been A Bit Cross since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from Tiresome to A Bloody Nuisance. The last time the English issued A Bloody Nuisance warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from Pissed Off to Let's Get The Bastards. They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British Army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Collaborate and Surrender. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased their alert level from Shout Loudly and Excitedly to Elaborate Military Posturing. Two more levels remain: Ineffective Combat Operations and Change Sides.

The Germans have increased their alert level from Disdainful Arrogance to Dress In Uniform And Sing Marching Songs. They also have two higher levels: Invade A Neighbor and Lose.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels...

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from No Worries to She'll Be All Right, Mate. Two more escalation levels remain: Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend! and The barbie is cancelled. So far no situation has ever warranted the use of the final escalation level.

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 B.C.
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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby Little Sister » Sun Sep 20, 2015 2:52 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Good!
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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby First Shirt » Sun Sep 20, 2015 2:22 pm

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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby Aesop » Sun Sep 20, 2015 8:58 pm

I just wrangle this stuff up; baby brother got suckered into believing it actually was from Cleese.
And he thinks he's the smart one in the family...
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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby Yogimus » Mon Sep 21, 2015 2:21 am

Hungarians carry on in their ancient duty to keep the bastards out of europe. We put crosses on your madrasas and mosques, we'll put them on your graves if need be.

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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby Termite » Tue Sep 22, 2015 10:40 am

Yogimus wrote:Hungarians carry on in their ancient duty to keep the bastards out of europe. We put crosses on your madrasas and mosques, we'll put them on your graves if need be.

So when will you be cloning Vlad III? :lol:
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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby PawPaw » Tue Sep 22, 2015 4:12 pm

Now I see that the refugees bastards want the Munich city council to shut down Oktoberfest because it is un-Islamic and can't be tolerated. The refugees bastards have been in Germany two months and want to change the culture.

Good luck with that. The Germans may break out the cattle cars sooner than we thought.
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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby Weetabix » Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:02 pm

PawPaw wrote:Now I see that the refugees bastards want the Munich city council to shut down Oktoberfest because it is un-Islamic and can't be tolerated. The refugees bastards have been in Germany two months and want to change the culture.

And why is it that we aren't allowed to ask the bastards to change their culture?
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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby PawPaw » Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:16 pm

Weetabix wrote:And why is it that we aren't allowed to ask the bastards to change their culture?


That's where we screwed up. When we went over there, we should have brought beer and all the other trappings of American GI culture. Inside of six months, there would have been bars and brothels everywhere.

But no, our pissy leadership wouldn't stand up for the GIs right to get drunk and laid. If, when told "Our culture forbids it", we should have told them that our culture requires it and if they had handled their business in the first place, we wouldn't be there in the second place. We weren't invited, so line your gals up, we need to make sure they're clean.

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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby Weetabix » Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:42 pm

Barbarians and their unspeakable folk ways

The British did it in India when they got rid of suttee. Maybe this is one area we should emulate them:

Be it so. This burning of widows is your custom; prepare the funeral pile. But my nation has also a custom. When men burn women alive we hang them, and confiscate all their property. My carpenters shall therefore erect gibbets on which to hang all concerned when the widow is consumed. Let us all act according to national customs. - James Napier
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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby BDK » Tue Sep 22, 2015 10:11 pm

An excellent response.

Tolerating decadent savagery is of no value, and a sign that we are following the ME and India into decay.

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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby Termite » Wed Sep 23, 2015 4:19 am

BDK wrote:Tolerating decadent savagery is of no value, and a sign that we are following the ME and India into decay.

Well,
Carnival(Mardi Gras), and to a lesser extent Octoberfest, can be a bit decadent, but not savagery........
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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby HTRN » Wed Sep 23, 2015 4:49 am

PawPaw wrote:Inside of six months, there would have been bars and brothels everywhere

AKA, the "Subic Bay manuever" ;)
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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby SoupOrMan » Wed Sep 23, 2015 5:46 am

PawPaw wrote:
Weetabix wrote:And why is it that we aren't allowed to ask the bastards to change their culture?


That's where we screwed up. When we went over there, we should have brought beer and all the other trappings of American GI culture. Inside of six months, there would have been bars and brothels everywhere.

But no, our pissy leadership wouldn't stand up for the GIs right to get drunk and laid. If, when told "Our culture forbids it", we should have told them that our culture requires it and if they had handled their business in the first place, we wouldn't be there in the second place. We weren't invited, so line your gals up, we need to make sure they're clean.

I'm glad I retired when I did, because I don't even recognize the military anymore.


Khobar Towers would have been a hell of a lot more interesting. The trek between Dhahran and Bahrain was interesting, if only to see horrible driving and goat-smuggling.
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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby Jericho941 » Wed Sep 23, 2015 7:42 am

Our current model makes about as much sense as trying to fight in Korea or Vietnam without offending the communists.

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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby Greg » Wed Sep 23, 2015 2:46 pm

Jericho941 wrote:Our current model makes about as much sense as trying to fight in Korea or Vietnam without offending the communists.


Um, that's exactly what we did.
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Re: Alerts To Threats In 2015 Europe

Postby Jericho941 » Wed Sep 23, 2015 8:06 pm

Greg wrote:
Jericho941 wrote:Our current model makes about as much sense as trying to fight in Korea or Vietnam without offending the communists.


Um, that's exactly what we did.

Communist Russians, as opposed to communist Koreans and Vietnamese. Hadn't quite reached the folly of thinking you can "respect the way of life" of the enemy in a country where you are actively fighting against that way of life.


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