The Gun Counter

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from Miffed to Peeved. Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to Irritated or even A Bit Cross. The English have not been A Bit Cross since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from Tiresome to A Bloody Nuisance. The last time the English issued A Bloody Nuisance warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from Pissed Off to Let's Get The Bastards. They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British Army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Collaborate and Surrender. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased their alert level from Shout Loudly and Excitedly to Elaborate Military Posturing. Two more levels remain: Ineffective Combat Operations and Change Sides.

The Germans have increased their alert level from Disdainful Arrogance to Dress In Uniform And Sing Marching Songs. They also have two higher levels: Invade A Neighbor and Lose.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels...

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from No Worries to She'll Be All Right, Mate. Two more escalation levels remain: Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend! and The barbie is cancelled. So far no situation has ever warranted the use of the final escalation level.

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 B.C.

Yogimus wrote:Hungarians carry on in their ancient duty to keep the bastards out of europe. We put crosses on your madrasas and mosques, we'll put them on your graves if need be.

PawPaw wrote:Now I see that the [strike]refugees[/strike] bastards want the Munich city council to shut down Oktoberfest because it is un-Islamic and can't be tolerated. The [strike]refugees[/strike] bastards have been in Germany two months and want to change the culture.

Weetabix wrote:And why is it that we aren't allowed to ask the bastards to change their culture?

Be it so. This burning of widows is your custom; prepare the funeral pile. But my nation has also a custom. When men burn women alive we hang them, and confiscate all their property. My carpenters shall therefore erect gibbets on which to hang all concerned when the widow is consumed. Let us all act according to national customs. - James Napier