James Bond: SPECTRE

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Aesop
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Re: James Bond: SPECTRE

Post by Aesop »

[strike]***SPOLER ALERT ***[/strike]
J/K: There's no way to spoil this dungball.
evan price wrote:They go through all this setup to introduce Ernst Stavro Bloefeld. Then he gets maybe 20 minutes of movie time, and we find out 007's entire re-booted career and the entirety of the last four movies has been about nothing more than a whiny little boy with daddy issues, and comes off with a letdown ending.
FIFY
In this movie, Goofy Blofeld is the Diet Coke of evil. Mini-me was more menacing. And Syndrome did less monologuing in The Incredibles.
Bond blows him up with a farking wristwatch, and takes out his entire secret lair with a couple of well-placed shots from an AK-47, fer crying out loud.
That's not a Bond mission, it's a script for Melissa McCarthy. Or Pauly Shore.

Sam Mendes should have shown the door, and the reins for this one given to someone completely new.
If there's ever been a reason to establish a new blacklist, someone needs to put every writer on this craptastic hunk of excrement on the top of that list.

And Daniel Craig should have quit one movie earlier, and his Bond legacy would have been complete.
As it is, he's essentially shit on everything he did in all four movies, and short of the next director having him awaken from a nightmare with Judi Dench still there as "M", he may as well kill himself rather than try another one. Which he should do anyways, for cinematic crimes against humanity.
Bonus points if Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, and Pierce Brosnan come over to his house to "help" him cut off his own head.

So essentially, this was just Craig and Sam Mendes insuring that he can never, ever ever be James Bond again.
And they've made further parodies of spy movies impossible, because the bar for same is now set at bathyspheric depths.

If Craig were to kill Sam Mendes instead, and then publicly grovel and beg forgiveness for this POS, I might be inclined towards clemency.
Otherwise, he did for Bond movies what Heath Ledger did for westerns.
And he was sober.
At least Charlie Sheen can blame his career self-immolation on coke and alcohol.

I would henceforth refer to this flick as Chitty Chitty Bond Bond, but even Ian Fleming and United Artists had the good sense to use Dick Van Dyke for that flick, and not Sean Connery.

Just when things were looking better this year, Hollywood finds a new way to totally expel its bowels on it's own cinematic legacy.
"There are four types of homicide: felonious, accidental, justifiable, and praiseworthy." -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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dfwmtx
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Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 10:04 pm

Re: James Bond: SPECTRE

Post by dfwmtx »

Well, someone likes it, but I don't think their review will change anyone's mind here.

:mrgreen:
"Arms are honor; slaves have neither."

"I am Chaos, I am alive...and I tell you that you are free!" -Eris Discordia
toad
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Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 5:00 pm

Re: James Bond: SPECTRE

Post by toad »

Come on Aesop, tell us you really feel.
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Mike OTDP
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Re: James Bond: SPECTRE

Post by Mike OTDP »

On the good news front, the Matt Helm books are coming out on Kindle.
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Weetabix
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 11:04 pm

Re: James Bond: SPECTRE

Post by Weetabix »

So what are the best Bond films, listed from best to worse, and where's the cutoff line for "don't watch the ones below here"?
Note to self: start reading sig lines. They're actually quite amusing. :D
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Kommander
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Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:13 am

Re: James Bond: SPECTRE

Post by Kommander »

Weetabix wrote:So what are the best Bond films, listed from best to worse, and where's the cutoff line for "don't watch the ones below here"?
Eyerything with Connery









Casino Royale

Skyfall





Golden Eye


---------------- Do not watch below this point

Everything Else
toad
Posts: 2645
Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 5:00 pm

Re: James Bond: SPECTRE

Post by toad »

Mike OTDP wrote:On the good news front, the Matt Helm books are coming out on Kindle.
Oh hell, that made me think of that godawful movie version they did with Dean Martin as Matt Helm. They tried to do a rip off of the James Bond films.

Anyway thanks for the heads up on the Kindle books.
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dfwmtx
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Re: James Bond: SPECTRE

Post by dfwmtx »

Thank god Warren Zevon never lived to see this travesty.
"Arms are honor; slaves have neither."

"I am Chaos, I am alive...and I tell you that you are free!" -Eris Discordia
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arctictom
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Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 7:57 pm

Re: James Bond: SPECTRE

Post by arctictom »

I wait for the free version on Netflix.
You live and learn.
Or you don't live long.
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