Regal Theaters to search bags and backpacks

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Weetabix
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Regal Theaters to search bags and backpacks

Post by Weetabix »

Regal Theaters now search bags and backpacks on entry to the theater to prevent theater shootings. My daughters' bags were searched last time they went. Apparently, the guy dug past all of their illicit candy and snacks to look for guns.

I'm guessing it will be theater security theater, but this opens up a wide array of amusing opportunities.

What if someone took a bag in with a large supply of Depends undergarments. When questioned, "Well, they keep making movies so long."

An attractive woman to take in some fur lined handcuffs and associated paraphernalia?

A roll of duct tape, some 550 paracord, and a mask? "Movie props!"

NVG's and a novel? A pillow, a sleeping mask, and a blanket? "Movies bore me."

A man with a huge supply of feminine products: "I'm meeting my wife, and you know how women are."

Fire away!
Note to self: start reading sig lines. They're actually quite amusing. :D
Greg
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Re: Regal Theaters to search bags and backpacks

Post by Greg »

I have cable TV and an internet connection.
Maybe we're just jaded, but your villainy is not particularly impressive. -Ennesby

If you know what you're doing, you're not learning anything. -Unknown
Sanity is the process by which you continually adjust your beliefs so they are predictively sound. -esr
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slowpoke
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Re: Regal Theaters to search bags and backpacks

Post by slowpoke »

Considering that the vast majority of those who ccw thier pistol in a bag are women, I'm playing the "sexist" card here.
"Islam delenda est" Aesop
Greg
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Re: Regal Theaters to search bags and backpacks

Post by Greg »

So, having established in advance that I will never darken their doors....

A truly massive purple dildo. "I'm meeting your sister after the movie."

Enormous quantities of batteries. "All Tech men carry batteries." (Kind of an old inside joke.)

A bottle of Viagra. "Meeting your mother after the movie." (That just never gets old.)

A bottle of lotion and pack of Kleenex. "I'm here to see the new PeeWee Herman movie."

A donut pillow and pack of witch hazel wipes. "Been having a flare-up, it's hard to sit for so long."

A bottle of Beano/Lactaid and a cigarette lighter. "I hope the showing won't be crowded...."
Maybe we're just jaded, but your villainy is not particularly impressive. -Ennesby

If you know what you're doing, you're not learning anything. -Unknown
Sanity is the process by which you continually adjust your beliefs so they are predictively sound. -esr
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Durham68
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Re: Regal Theaters to search bags and backpacks

Post by Durham68 »

Firearm themed candy
"Unattended children will be given an espresso and a puppy"
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JAG2955
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Re: Regal Theaters to search bags and backpacks

Post by JAG2955 »

So if it's not posted, and if I'm not legally prohibited from carrying there, what if I show up with a brace of pistols in my backpack?

Yes, please, call the cops immediately. This will be fun.
Aesop
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Re: Regal Theaters to search bags and backpacks

Post by Aesop »

1) A bag of fresh dogshit: "I forgot, I was just walking my dog..."
2) An appropriately wrapped kilo of shredded eucalyptus leaves or powdered sugar. Bonus points if it has the theater manager's name on it outside the package, in fat sharpie.
3) One of those pseudo-bomb alarm clocks.
4) A dozen or more opened lubed condoms. Let them figure out why they're "juicy".
5) An entire box of individually wadded Kleenex, each one pre-loaded with Vaseline and some green jello.
6) Baby diapers preloaded with chocolate pudding. If questioned, scoop a finger full out and eat it for effect.
7) Bundles of Islamic literature, and a piece of a map of the city, with a big red "X" on the theatre's location.
8) A rubber Halloween severed hand, marinated in a baggie of cattle blood.
9) An unimproved hunk of iron the size, shape, and weight of a handgun. Marked "Paperweight", and inside a backpack. With all the zippers and fasteners on the backpack sewn and epoxied shut.
10) A leg urinal bag, filled with apple juice. A colostomy bag, filled with...well, amuse yourself there.
11) Books on serial killers and such, a list of all the Regal theaters in town, and a shopping list including weapons and ammo, checked off.

Yes, it's their theaters, and they have a right to control the premises. But security kabuki theater that's all show and no go is bullshit and busybodyness, while delivering exactly zero protection, and metric buttloads of inconvenience, intrusiveness, and general fucktardery.

I hope they go broke.
Better yet, I hope they get robbed at 400% the rate of other chains, because they're certified "gun free". :twisted:
Last edited by Aesop on Thu Aug 20, 2015 3:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"There are four types of homicide: felonious, accidental, justifiable, and praiseworthy." -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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Catbird
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Re: Regal Theaters to search bags and backpacks

Post by Catbird »

The two or three times a year I go see a movie at a theater, it's usually the Regal theater at the mall, because it's convenient and I like it. I'm never carrying a bag but I'm always carrying a firearm, usually a S&W model 38 airweight bodyguard in a pocket holster zipped into a jacket pocket. The chances of it being discovered are virtually nil and the worst thing they could do is ask me to leave and not come back.

For what it's worth, I'm more worried about the parking lot than the theater.
"If at first you don't succeed, that's one data point." XKCD
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dfwmtx
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Re: Regal Theaters to search bags and backpacks

Post by dfwmtx »

Just wait until the first angry person takes his clothes off in the search line. "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were the TSA. SEE, I"M NOT CONCEALING ANY WEAPONS OR CANDY!!!!!"

I can just see Janor Hypercleats in line. "Excuse me, I have papers from the brain doctor proving I'm sane; can I skip the line? I'm willing to bet none of these other people have papers proving they're sane."

I barely go to the movies anymore, but when I do I usually spring for Alamo Draft House. Somehow I don't think someone who's intent is to go into a movie theatre, shoot the place up, and check out via suicide by cop is going to spring for premium movie tickets. And the food is good too. :mrgreen:
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"I am Chaos, I am alive...and I tell you that you are free!" -Eris Discordia
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Rod
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Re: Regal Theaters to search bags and backpacks

Post by Rod »

Carmike Theaters in Texas are posted, WAAAAYYY over there on the end doors that no one ever uses except when leaving the theater. I could probably carry there and win if they somehow found out I was carrying, but I refuse to give them my money. The Grand chain, which has a multiplex on post, is also posted but I'm fairly certain that I'm safer there than at an outside theater (I know, Fort Hood, etc.). My usual thought is to wait for Netflix though.
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Good acting requires an imagination; reality requires a person not getting lost in their imagination.
"It's better to have a gun if you need it". Felix's opthamologist
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