Things I've Learned as a Programmer

[MarkD]

Having been a computer programmer/analyst for over 25 years, here's a few lessons I've learned:

- There's no such thing as a program with no bugs. It's either working, but has bugs, or it's not working at all.

- Completion code zero doesn't mean it's RIGHT, it just means it didn't screw up badly enough that the operating system noticed.

- An operator with a room temperature IQ can ruin your best day.

- if the documentation, program comments and program code are different, all three are wrong.

- There's what the users SAY they want, there's what they REALLY want, and what they need. Your job is to listen to the first, figure out the second, and supply the third.

- The program that can't POSSIBLY bomb will do so at 2:00 AM.

- As soon as you get a program working the way it's supposed to, the requirements will change.

- If you find yourself telling the operator the syntax for restarting a job at a particular step, you should just hang up, go home, and turn off your phone for the rest of the day.

- No, I didn't get paid for a week for writing ten lines of code. I got paid for spending a week figuring out where those ten lines of code had to go and what they had to do.

- Sometimes, the best thing to do is start over.

- the six phases of a project:
1) Enthusiasm
2) Disillusionment
3) Panic
4) Search for the guilty
5) Punishment of the innocent
6) Praise and honors for the non-participants

I am not allowed to run the train, the whistle I can't blow
I'm not allowed to say how far the railroad cars can go
I'm not allowed to shoot off steam, or even clang the bell
But let it jump the God-damned track and see who catches Hell

[PawPaw]

- the six phases of a project:
1) Enthusiasm
2) Disillusionment
3) Panic
4) Search for the guilty
5) Punishment of the innocent
6) Praise and honors for the non-participants

I am so stealing that.

[MarkD]

- the six phases of a project:
1) Enthusiasm
2) Disillusionment
3) Panic
4) Search for the guilty
5) Punishment of the innocent
6) Praise and honors for the non-participants

I am so stealing that.

I had that on a sign in my cubicle 20 years ago, still remember it.