Justin,
Wife and I went through 2 miscarriages, one suspected ectopic which took surgery AND extra drugs to sort out (don't get me started on the military system...), the other where the fetus just stopped developing a couple of weeks after we knew. Even being a preacher's kid, I spent a long time angry at God. I can't tell you "It's okay." because I don't know where you are. I've been in a similar place, but didn't start with the same conditions going in, so I could 'recognize the landmarks', but don't know which street you're on to do anything resembling giving directions. But I can say "This too shall pass", and at least note that I found great catharsis in writing about stuff like this. Odd as it is for a place on teh intarwebz, this place is somehow full of good listeners.
The numbers on pregnancy outcomes are grossly misrepresented, and we're only recently getting the kind of testing available to realize that. Lots of the 'missed one period, felt weird, then felt better' situations are likely pregnancies like our 2nd, but historically you wouldn't know for a couple of weeks further along, because of the reliability of the pee-on-a-stick testing at that point. Getting a doc or team of docs that aren't complete assclowns can help a LOT. We went through the 1st one with the military "whoever's in the bullpen on the day you show up" system out at Tripler AMC. One visit was fine, and the next time we'd run into the asshat crew, from the receptionist all the way back through the doc on call that day. So we bailed on TRICARE prime and enrolled her in standard so we could pick her OB for all the subsequent tries.
Being at a specialist for high-risk pregnancies right out the gate made a lot of the conversations better because they knew not only what they were talking about, but what they were looking for, and were good about explaining it. And understand that even with good practices you may find the occasional standout retard. My wife's OB for our daughter was AWESOME, as was everyone in his clinic and in the hospital... except for the nurse who did admin stuff (checked height/weight, blood pressure, etc) for regular office visits. Total paste eater. But we knew she wasn't part of the delivery or recovery staff at the hospital, so we wouldn't have to deal with her, come the day.
If God exists, he's an @$$
- g-man
- Posts: 1430
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Re: If God exists, he's an @$$
Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum
- skb12172
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Re: If God exists, he's an @$$
It does make you wonder how some make it through medical school or nursing school.
There must be an end to this intimidation by those who come to this great country, but reject its culture.
- blackeagle603
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Re: If God exists, he's an @$$
wow, that''s a grief it is.
And, sadly, not so uncommon as you might imagine. Soon as you start having kids, or trying, you tap into a whole lot of other life stories that as DINKs us with kids (or wanting kids) tend to keep to ourselves.
Yeah, grieve. Get through the stages. This anger too shall pass and thankfulness for each day with your wife will put down deeper roots in your mind.
And, sadly, not so uncommon as you might imagine. Soon as you start having kids, or trying, you tap into a whole lot of other life stories that as DINKs us with kids (or wanting kids) tend to keep to ourselves.
Yeah, grieve. Get through the stages. This anger too shall pass and thankfulness for each day with your wife will put down deeper roots in your mind.
"The Guncounter: More fun than a barrel of tattooed knife-fighting chain-smoking monkey butlers with drinking problems and excessive gambling debts!"
"The right of the citizens to keep and bear arms has justly been considered, as the palladium of the liberties of a republic;" Justice Story
"The right of the citizens to keep and bear arms has justly been considered, as the palladium of the liberties of a republic;" Justice Story
- Weetabix
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Re: If God exists, he's an @$$
I'm sorry for your loss. We lost one in '97. It still sucks, and I still think about him and wish I'd gotten to meet him.
Keep going. We got a great daughter we wouldn't have met otherwise.
Keep going. We got a great daughter we wouldn't have met otherwise.
Note to self: start reading sig lines. They're actually quite amusing. :D
- JustinR
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Re: If God exists, he's an @$$
Thank you all for the kind words and help in gaining some perspective. I appreciate it. She seems to be recovering from surgery and following doctor's orders, and we have had a lot of help from our family to keep up with the daily chores around the farm. Just going to take some time to get back to "normal" I think.
"The armory was even better. Above the door was a sign: You dream, we build." -Mark Owen, No Easy Day
"My assault weapon won't be 'illegal,' it will be 'undocumented.'" -KL
"My assault weapon won't be 'illegal,' it will be 'undocumented.'" -KL
- MiddleAgedKen
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Re: If God exists, he's an @$$
I'm very sorry for your trouble.
Shop at Traitor Joe's: Just 10% to the Big Guy gets you the whole store and everything in it!
-
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Re: If God exists, he's an @$$
As am I. There IS no "normal", only "life." Platitudes don't erase the pain, but time takes some of the sting away, leaving a dulled ache which resurfaces only on occasion. I pray you both find peace with your lot. Our loss still sometimes arises, but we have wonderful grandchildren to give us bright sunrises and endless good days......MiddleAgedKen wrote:I'm very sorry for your trouble.
I'm not old--It's too early to be this late.
- Jered
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Re: If God exists, he's an @$$
The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote.
- Denis
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Re: If God exists, he's an @$$
JustinR, you both have my sympathies. Mrs Denis and I went through some very difficult times when it eventually became clear that we would not be able to have children. I hope that will not be the case for you, even if you have had a serious setback now. Try to be as loving to one another as you can both manage - it is important, and will help you get back on an even keel as soon as may be. Feel free to vent here too. We might not be able to help, but we certainly can listen.
- Cybrludite
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Re: If God exists, he's an @$$
I'm so sorry to hear the news. If it helps, a cousin of mine had a similar experience and went on to have a kid a few years later.
"If it ain't the Devil's Music, you ain't doin' it right." - Chris Thomas King
"When liberal democracies collapse, someone comes along who promises to make the trains run on time if we load the right people into them." - Tam K.
"When liberal democracies collapse, someone comes along who promises to make the trains run on time if we load the right people into them." - Tam K.