Saturday evening update...
So this is going to involve a lot of different thoughts and subjects... But it has been an insanely chaotic 2 days so I think that is understandable. This is not going to be a short post so pour a fresh drink of whatever you prefer (I suggest a single malt Scotch that is old enough to vote) and perhaps a tissue or two and relax...
To start things off in a lighthearted mood, I want to share with you a conversation that I had this morning with my father as we were walking into the hospital. I was telling him how I had fought with Ann over the last few years about my desires to move back to Florida and how she fought tooth and nail to stay here in the Carolinas... He quipped back "Well... she won"
Ok, on to the parts that may be difficult for some...
First and foremost... Right before 7pm, the doctors that were caring for my wife Ann Maynard did their final test that allowed them to legally certify that she was no longer with us. Really it was merely a confirmation of what everyone had known since 5pm yesterday and realistically most of us knew long before then. Once that test was completed, the care for her was shifted from a perspective of patient care to a perspective of care to ensure that her organs remain viable.
Sometime in the next 24 to 36 hours, the process will begin in full force and, as I mentioned earlier, an amazing symphony of skill and professionalism will start with the goal of making sure that our loss is able to save as many lives as possible. This morning, the attending doctor had to do some tests and was explaining them and making sure I was ok with what she was doing, my response was rather simple "Doc... Do what ever it takes to save as many lives as you can!"
Talking with the transplant coordinator was not easy... But it was a lengthy conversation and was absolutely fascinating. My statement earlier about possibly being able to save 8 lives was a vast understatement. Between the various organs and the wide array of tissues, the potential is there for Ann to help save or make better dozens of lives!!! I will spare those reading the details, but if anyone wants to talk about it in detail, please contact me.
One thought that makes me smile about this though, I found out that not only do they do cornea transplants, but they also do full eye transplants... It is apparently a rather new procedure but the process looks to be promising. So not only does she have the potential to give the gift of sight to as many as 4 people... But she will also possibly be giving the gift of her amazingly beautiful blue eyes to other families and to the world...
I am so incredibly hopeful that somewhere, somehow, someone else will one day be able to look into the same eyes that made me fall in love with her and decide that the person behind those eyes is their perfect match... That someday babies may open their eyes for the first time and gaze into the same eyes that watched over and loved my babies when they were first able to look at the world.
On the note of the transplants... I asked the coordinator how often they do a harvest at CMC Main (Carolinas Medical Center) and he informed me that it was about once a week... Think about that for a while, the main hospital in the downtown area of the 17th largest city in the United States ONLY does about 1 per week... This is a facility that has tens if not hundreds of thousands of patient interactions a year. To me that number is staggeringly low and moving forward I intend to be a loud and outspoken advocate of increasing that number.
A final note about the hospital experience. Every single person I have met there in the last 2 days from the cafeteria staff to the security guards, parking lot attendants, counselors, nurses, doctors and even the custodial staff have been absolutely incredible in their kindness, openness, professionalism and encouragement. And most of them have no problem with hugs... I have hugged more complete strangers in the last 2 days than probably the last 2 years...
Yesterday morning, shortly after I found out just how bad the stroke was, I found myself on the street corner next to one of the parking garages being hugged by one of the chefs from the cafeteria. A man that I had only talked to for a couple of minutes let me cry on his shoulder and told me that it would be ok and that life would get better...
A few minutes later as I walked back to the building, a woman who was at one of the parking lot gates talked with me for a few minutes, said some kind words and then told me that if I needed to talk, she would be there all day and that I should come back. She got a thoughtful look on her face and said, you know I was not even scheduled to work today but for some reason, I felt like I should come in to work, I think that I was supposed to be here when you walked by...
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To the friends and family and complete strangers that have posted kind words, offers of prayer and support on my page and on Ann's, you will never know and I can never truly express how much that means to me. I think that one day, my children will also see these messages and it will help them as well. Offers of help are greatly appreciated and I know that over the weeks, months and years to come I will have to rely on many of you for support... I have spoken with many of the closest of you on the phone, for those I have not been able to reach out to yet, I will do so when I can... Feel free to PM me on Facebook or call me if you have the number, I cherish every conversation I am able to have with someone who knew and cared for Ann.
I know that many have been asking about arrangements... The plans are starting to be made already and the initial thinking is this. Our first child, Jacob, is buried at the same cemetery where 7 direct generations of my family are buried in Central Florida, but the logistics and expenses involved in getting her there and having a service there within the next week or two are insanely complex and massively expensive. In light of that, and knowing that she is not someone who would have wanted to have such a huge fuss made over her, we are having her cremated.
My thinking is that we will have a service somewhere here in the local area, where a small portion of her ashes can be spread within the next few weeks... This will ensure that family and friends here are able to celebrate her life and spirit with me and my family. Then, after the holiday season is over, sometime in the spring or summer we will have a second service at the cemetery in Florida where we will bury the rest of her next to Jacob. Friends and family are invited to celebrate her life at either or both occasions as they see fit.
Once I have more details about services, I will make sure to give an update. I hope to have some more information in the morning.
Anyone that knew her will agree that she absolutely loved this area of the country and so it is fitting that a part of her will remain here.
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On a different note, I have seen several people post pictures on my Facebook page, on their pages and on Ann's page... If any of you have photos or videos of her, I would greatly appreciate it if you could email them to me. If you don't already have my email address, please PM me here or call or text me and I will gladly provide that. I am trying to ensure that I have as many photos and videos of her as possible for myself and our children so that I can make sure that our children's memory of her never fades.
To that end and beyond, I have had an idea today... I am working to set up a charitable foundation in Ann's name that is dedicated to helping young children who lose a loved one suddenly. I spent part of today getting contact information for multiple people involved in the 501(c)(3) groups within the hospital system and I spoke with a dear friend of mine that has significant contacts with people who are heavily involved in charity fundraising and organization. Over the next few weeks, I hope to formulate a solid plan for getting such an organization formed and running.
Initial fundraising will most likely come in the form of a go-fund-me page or something similar. With any luck, the effort can snowball into something significant and I will be able to make sure that Ann's legacy will help countless people... Anyone that knew her for even a minute would agree that she would be incredibly passionate about such an idea.
I will try to have some solid details in the very near future so that anyone that may be interested in helping can do so.
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Finally, I am about to go get some much needed rest... It will be strange not having to nudge her a dozen times each night and tell her to hush with her snoring (I type this with a huge smile on my face)... Equally as strange was having to go through this evening without having her call me over to scratch her back...
Please continue to pray and offer kind thoughts and words for me and my family... Tomorrow I have to face the extremely difficult task of having to talk to my 3 young children about this situation... Frankly, I have no idea how I am supposed to explain to a 10 year old, 8 year old and 7 year old that their entire world has changed in a devastating way. I hope that I can find the strength to be strong in the face of a situation where no one should be expected to be strong... That I can make sure that I am the rock that they can lean on in a sea of emotional chaos that would surely break even the strongest willed adult, let alone children who just cannot grasp such things. I have family here that will be very helpful, so I hope that is enough... Part of the words I had with Ann today was me asking her to watch over me and give me the strength I needed to make sure that I could do this right and I know that she surely is...
If you are still reading this far into the post, thank you... Writing these things out is something that I am doing to help me maintain focus and stability in a situation where neither exists. Once you get done here, go find everyone you care for and love and make sure you tell them exactly how you feel because it is entirely possible that it may be the last thing you get to say to them... For me, I have made sure that I always told the people that I care for that I love them before I stopped a conversation with them for exactly this reason. Slightly less than 48 hours ago, I was able to say to my wife of 12 years, 8 months and 18 days, "I love you"