Investigators - I need to gather info about someone

[kapikui]

The threatener is a friend of the old boyfriend. I know where the ex boyfriend and his mom live. I don't know where the thug's parent(s) live or exactly where he is now.

I don't think my daughter has ever met the thug, though they had previously emailed back and forth. I don't think my daughter's and the thug's environs have overlapped. The contact is solely because of the ex boyfriend and commenting mutually on photos on instagram.

Then the ex-boyfriend or his parents know where the thug lives. A visit from the police asking about it might just shake such loose, particularly if ex-boyfriend is looking at being charged as an accessory.

[Yogimus]

HUMINT beats Cyberstalking every time

[Weetabix]

Do any of the forum's attorneys want to weigh in with non-binding advice that's worth what I'm paying for it?

As I mentioned above, my motive at this point is to avoid any action by thug. Once I have the police questioning the ex boyfriend, it's gone beyond my control - i.e. I don't want to provoke thug to do something because he decides my daughter has further "hurt" the ex boyfriend.

[Weetabix]

HUMINT beats Cyberstalking every time

Granted. I'm not sure how to gather that outside my immediate family without provoking a soi disant tough guy into protecting his "honor."

For instance, the jackass mentioned trashing online reputations. I could intentionally wreak havoc on exbf's local and real reputation. I could also inadvertently do that by gathering HUMINT. If I accidentally do that, will I provoke thug?

Apropos of the "Whatcha reading" thread, this reminds me of Jane and Elizabeth's quandary over exposing Mr. Wickham in Pride and Prejudice except with the addition of the physical threat.

[Greg]

HUMINT beats Cyberstalking every time

Granted. I'm not sure how to gather that outside my immediate family without provoking a soi disant tough guy into protecting his "honor."

For instance, the jackass mentioned trashing online reputations. I could intentionally wreak havoc on exbf's local and real reputation. I could also inadvertently do that by gathering HUMINT. If I accidentally do that, will I provoke thug?

Apropos of the "Whatcha reading" thread, this reminds me of Jane and Elizabeth's quandary over exposing Mr. Wickham in Pride and Prejudice except with the addition of the physical threat.

Unless you have other children that could potentially become romantically involved with thug, and therefore protecting thug's reputation helps preserve the reputation of your own child... you're way overthinking this.

[Weetabix]

Unless you have other children that could potentially become romantically involved with thug, and therefore protecting thug's reputation helps preserve the reputation of your own child... you're way overthinking this.

I sometimes accuse myself of overthinking, but, this time you're missing some pieces.

Daughter dates ex bf.
Ex bf has thug friend.
Daughter breaks if off with ex bf.
Thug thinks daughter has "hurt" ex bf and ponders beating up daughter.
Thug is in Sweden (I think).
Thug may be back in my town shortly.
I don't know, yet, enough specifics about thug to be able to keep an eye out for him.

So. If I initiate action that involves ex bf (including offering ex bf "if x then y" and "if not-x, then z" options), does thug think I've further "hurt" ex bf and respond by taking revenge while in town?

I gave ex bf a chance to prove himself to be worthy. He proved himself to be a dirtbag. I'm not concerned about him. I'm concerned that thug may be in town a short time and thinking he's really bad shit, may decide to take revenge before he whisks himself back off to Sweden.

I'm weighing options and soliciting advice.

I figure overthinking is better than underthinking so long as I "don't make thoughts my aim."

[Greg]

Unless you have other children that could potentially become romantically involved with thug, and therefore protecting thug's reputation helps preserve the reputation of your own child... you're way overthinking this.

I sometimes accuse myself of overthinking, but, this time you're missing some pieces.

Daughter dates ex bf.
Ex bf has thug friend.
Daughter breaks if off with ex bf.
Thug thinks daughter has "hurt" ex bf and ponders beating up daughter.
Thug is in Sweden (I think).
Thug may be back in my town shortly.
I don't know, yet, enough specifics about thug to be able to keep an eye out for him.

So. If I initiate action that involves ex bf (including offering ex bf "if x then y" and "if not-x, then z" options), does thug think I've further "hurt" ex bf and respond by taking revenge while in town?

I gave ex bf a chance to prove himself to be worthy. He proved himself to be a dirtbag. I'm not concerned about him. I'm concerned that thug may be in town a short time and thinking he's really bad shit, may decide to take revenge before he whisks himself back off to Sweden.

I'm weighing options and soliciting advice.

I figure overthinking is better than underthinking so long as I "don't make thoughts my aim."

When you break out the Mr Wickham reference is when you're clearly overthinking.

Yes the rest of the facts were already quite clear. You're worried about the case where douchebag is blustering with no intention to act, but you fear any action you take would push him so he feels compelled (for whatever reason) to act. That would seem to be the one and only case where you should definitely not act. FWIW, I believe that one scenario is extremely unlikely.

I wish there was a sure thing. Situation clearly sucks.

[Weetabix]

When you break out the Mr Wickham reference is when you're clearly overthinking.

Yes the rest of the facts were already quite clear. You're worried about the case where douchebag is blustering with no intention to act, but you fear any action you take would push him so he feels compelled (for whatever reason) to act. That would seem to be the one and only case where you should definitely not act. FWIW, I believe that one scenario is extremely unlikely.

I wish there was a sure thing. Situation clearly sucks.

I agree with your assessment, and I actually think it's extremely unlikely, too. From the way I read your post, I didn't think you caught it all.

Basically, right now, I'm thinking out loud among people I trust because I value their opinions. Hell, I even kinda value your opinion.

(Edited for pronoun spelling.)

[Yogimus]

I mean no insult by this:

You are an adult. You deal with the adults, not the fucking child in the equation. Have your daughter's boyfriend be at your house with his parents (or meet his parents) explain the situation, give proof, and believe me, the boyfriend's parents will beat the info of the bully's family out of the boyfriend FOR you.

[First Shirt]

the boyfriend's parents will beat the info of the bully's family out of the boyfriend FOR you.

If it was my kid, yeah, I'd get the info out of him. And I'm sure that if it was your kid, you'd be the same way.

But not all parents are like that, and betting that way is like drawing to an inside straight.

I'd take the available information, plus the threatening emails, and head for the local cop shop, and if they wanted me to press charges, I'd be more than happy to oblige.

Of course, with Me Own Darlin' Daughter, it'd make more sense to get bets down on how long Dumblefuck would last against her. She does not give the eyeballs back when the fight's over.