Difficult Day Today

Discussions about our lives, families, jobs... things may get a little personal
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Darrell
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Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 11:12 pm

Re: Difficult Day Today

Post by Darrell »

I will be taking flowers to my twin brother's grave at the academy this weekend, for the 28th time... does it get easier? I dunno, I guess I just got used to it.
Eppur si muove--Galileo
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skb12172
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Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 12:45 am

Re: Difficult Day Today

Post by skb12172 »

Time does NOT heal all wounds, unless scar tissue counts. There is some shit in life that you never get over, you just learn how to live with it.
There must be an end to this intimidation by those who come to this great country, but reject its culture.
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308Mike
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Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 3:47 pm

Re: Difficult Day Today

Post by 308Mike »

skb12172 wrote:Time does NOT heal all wounds, unless scar tissue counts. There is some shit in life that you never get over, you just learn how to live with it.
+1000

Unfortunately, as we get older, ALL of us are going to experience the loss of a loved one, particularly a parent (or grandparent who was VERY involved in our lives), and hopefully NOT a spouse (although it DOES happen). EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US WILL experience such a loss (unless you're a test-tube baby or your parents pass away before you get to know them).

From those I know and have discussed such things, when you lose a parent, you never stop thinking about them - even if they didn't regularly grace your thought much before. But now that they're gone and no longer available, you wish they were here to talk to, discuss, and get their opinion, even if it's ONLY TO HEAR THEIR VOICE.

Take it from someone who spent a lot of time with their parent (my dad) prior to their passing; even when they're gone, you STILL might look back and feel like you didn't spend enough time with them, even if you had lunch with them almost every day during the last year of their life, and the semi-regular weekend BBQ/grilling family dinner. But once they're ACTUALLY GONE, you'll probably still feel like you wished you could have spent more time with them (even if that's totally impracticable, no matter how you worked it, without devoting your life to your parent). I STILL wish I could have found more ways to be with my dad before he went into the hospital (but he never came out). That's how much I miss my dad (I actually have a brass plaque next to the sliding glass door heading towards the back yard commemorating what he used to call "his view" of the local mountains - unobstructed by trees or hills, it's in the perfect position for a GREAT view of the hills/mountains, especially when they're covered in snow).

If I lived farther away where travel was more of an issue, I might not have been so lucky to spend so much time with my dad before he passed (same with my mom, but that's been a double-edged sword since she's frequently not happy unless she's complaining about something) - so I count myself VERY lucky being able to do so.

DO NOT be surprised if you don't stop thinking about them once they're gone, and you might even think about them MORE once they're gone (since they're no longer available). PLEASE make sure your parents know how you feel LONG before they're gone, since they might not understand any changes in your feelings once they get older (or have strokes) and start to lose their memories.

Just make SURE you're living your life for YOURSELF and your spouse/partner. NO ONE ELSE is going to make you happy or take care of you like a parent (other than your loved ones).
POLITICIANS & DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON

A person properly schooled in right and wrong is safe with any weapon. A person with no idea of good and evil is unsafe with a knitting needle, or the cap from a ballpoint pen.

I remain pessimistic given the way BATF and the anti gun crowd have become tape worms in the guts of the Republic. - toad
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gromulin
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Re: Difficult Day Today

Post by gromulin »

Netpackrat wrote:I understand entirely how you feel. Last year when my son was born, I lost it completely in the delivery room because my parents couldn't be there to greet him, and he will never know them. It never gets any easier, you just push it away for a while. But it always comes back.
I know exactly what you mean. My Mom passed away just about 100 days before my son was born. I'd give an arm to just have had her hold him for one minute before she passed.
A good Ringmaster keeps the lions from eating the clowns.

A really good Ringmaster knows when to let the lions eat the clowns.
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308Mike
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Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 3:47 pm

Re: Difficult Day Today

Post by 308Mike »

My mom just passed away a couple of hours ago. We were hoping she would hang on through to tomorrow since today is also my nephew's birthday. So now every time my nephew celebrates his birthday (it's his 13th birthday too) he'll be reminded it's also the same day his grandmother passed away. Poor guy.

Unfortunately, his dad's birthday (my younger brother) is on September 11th. When we were getting ready to celebrate his birthday in 2001, he told us he didn't want to celebrate it because of what happened that morning. We argued that the two were only linked by that particular day, NOTHING MORE, since he was born more than 30 years prior to the attack. He still wasn't buying it and it took several years to get past his birthday and the attack being on the same day - but over 30 years apart.

We get it. Unfortunately there are only 365 days per year and there are GOING to be good dates overlapping with bad dates. HOWEVER, we need to focus on the GOOD DATES, 'cause ANYONE can make ANY day into a bad day should they so choose. But making a day a REALLY GOOD DAY takes a LOT MORE than just a change of mood or deciding they aren't going to attack a strip mall that day, so GOOD DAYS are FAR MORE important and valuable than any bad days.
POLITICIANS & DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON

A person properly schooled in right and wrong is safe with any weapon. A person with no idea of good and evil is unsafe with a knitting needle, or the cap from a ballpoint pen.

I remain pessimistic given the way BATF and the anti gun crowd have become tape worms in the guts of the Republic. - toad
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Rustyv
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Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 1:02 am

Re: Difficult Day Today

Post by Rustyv »

April was 3 years since my dad passed. I still catch myself thinking "I should ask dad about that" and tearing up when it hits me that I can't. Stupid shit, like what fertilizer to put on the grass, how to work my investments, how to handle a particular tax situation.

Dad missed my wedding, sister's wedding, and his grand kids will never personally know what a great man he was.

It doesn't get easier. But it doesn't hurt as bad as the years pass. I find myself remembering more and more the good days. And those are the stories my kids (God willing) will hear.
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